Are we falling in love or filling a need?
During a long, hot bubble bath last night, I decided I would listen to music. I listen to music all day every day when I’m at work as I work in radio. When I’m not working, music doesn’t cross my mind. I fill the hours I spend away from work with something I never learned to treasure until the last few years. That precious gift is silence.
Tonight surprisingly, I wanted to hear Pandora and my “Little River Band” channel. Right away, I recognized the songs and felt that feeling as music from another era “takes you back.”
When I heard Elvin Bishop’s “Fooled Around and Fell in Love,” it made me think of relationships I had back in the days when this music was popular. I couldn’t help but picture myself at this time when I realized all of my relationships were toxic! I was such a hot mess; every relationship in my life was created to fill a need, and those needs were desperately pathetic.
With that, I continued to ponder about love in general. When I “loved” my ex-husband, it was because he filled a need. I manifested a knight in shining armor to rescue me and get me the hell out of Las Vegas before I killed myself. He showed up, he carried me away on his white horse, and off I went to live in my castle in Ohio.
Moving me to Ohio derailed the path of impending destruction I was on in Las Vegas. Not only did his moving me save my life, but over the 5.5 years we lived in the same house, he showed me time and time again what I couldn’t tolerate in a relationship. He pushed my buttons every single day. I was pretending to be a happily rescued princess, but in fact, I was living a colossal lie!
When I “loved” my ex-husband, it was because he filled a need.
The very few people I would meet throughout our time together were all fed the same lie; I shared my Cinderella story about how we miraculously met on an airplane. I shared how he was my knight in shining armor who took me away from it all and brought me to his home in Ohio. I spewed how he was the love of my life, blah blah blah. It’s incredible the crap we convince ourselves to pretend is real! The words would come out of my mouth, and it was as if I believed everything I was saying. At this time, after already living a life of misery, I think I viewed my horrible life with him as a much better option. Little did I know then that there were so very many choices right in front of me. I know now that we can only see when we are ready to see. Nothing presents itself until we are prepared to receive it. Ever!
Love, as we use the word to describe a feeling in relationships, I believe is a “fill in the blank” place holder. I didn’t “love” my ex; I needed him to rescue me. He was my ticket out. Too often “love” is confused with what we need or want from a person. This is probably why they use the term “falling” in love! We don’t say, “walking in with my eyes wide open” in love, now do we?
I was pretending to be a happily rescued princess, but in fact, I was living a colossal lie!
To actually be able to “love” with every part of ourselves, is not possible until we find that love for ourself first. Once you do and you come from a place of love in everything you do, you can finally understand what the true meaning of love is all about.
In looking back with such a clear and beautiful lens that I can see through now, I realize the beauty of waking up. Like everything and everyone else, this man was put before me so I could find the courage to step away and change the course of my life. Nothing… by this, I mean NO THING – ever, is a coincidence. There are no accidents.
It’s incredible the crap we convince ourselves to pretend is real!
When you are awake, you know this, and you cherish moments when you meet new people and new circumstances. You don’t immediately understand why they have appeared right before you; you trust you will eventually figure it out. Enjoy every new connection that comes your way. Realize they have been sent to touch or alter some piece of your life. You never question why as you know it will unveil itself to you in time.