This will come as no surprise to her, but I don’t miss my daughter. Off she went Saturday to start her junior year at WSU. We spent the last five months together, which when you get to be with your kid as they go from 20 to 21, this is a huge blessing! Usually, when they are in school and home for break, you get what you can get. Since we were in COVID lockdown during her spring break, I guess that made me a pretty lucky mom.
She had surgery slated for Monday, March 16th. I took two weeks off for medical, so I could help her out as she healed. In the second week, I would drive her back to Pullman and help her figure out how she’d get around school one-week post-op. I wasn’t excited about her going back to school so soon, but this is what she wanted to do. She wanted to get this surgery over with.
The day after her surgery, we were told the state was in lockdown, and no one was to leave their homes. My daughter would now spend her entire recovery at home! Little did we know, classes for the rest of the semester would be moved online as well, so when school started back up after spring break, she could do it from the comfort of her recliner.
She healed well and fast from her surgery. School wrapped up May 1st. I was laid off from work as soon as we went into lockdown, so every day, it was my kid and me. Together we painted canvases and painted rocks. We made roaring fires in the fire pit. We played game after game after game. We love to have fun, and this is one way we do it. We watched some movies, and she would have me listen to her latest music faves.
We celebrated her 21st birthday on the deck at our favorite Mexican restaurant! During times of COVID, it wasn’t as fun as we would have liked it to be, but we celebrated the way we talked about for years.
School is starting on August 24th. Hannah is moving into her first official apartment in Pullman with her long time girlfriend, Julie. When she packed up for the move and school this time, she packed to “move out!” My little girl is now wholly adulting in her own place. I couldn’t be happier for her. You have to leave that familiar place with all the comforts of home to finally find who you are and what you are made of.
This is her time to shine. Her time to experience the little pieces of adulting living on your own provides. Everything you ever needed was within reach when you were at home. Now she will learn that she has to figure everything out.
You have to leave that familiar place with all the comforts of home to finally find who you are and what you are made of.
I am so excited about this time in her life. She has a solid foundation and years of growing up experience to learn from. I have nothing to worry about. Even if I did, she knows I wouldn’t.
I stopped worrying and overthinking anything years ago. It was possible when I discovered the secret of living in the present. When you live in the present moment, and only that moment, you don’t worry about anything.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t happen overnight, it took me years to master. But when you master living in the “right now” and the right now only, you aren’t able to step back to a place where you let life’s curveballs affect you. You approach everything from this moment; your point of power.
As the last child to leave home, when packing my car up for the final departure, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Here I was leaving my mother with her fifth husband; one who took great care of all of us for the past 7 years, and the only thought circling my head was, “who is going to take care of my mother!” No young adult should ever have to feel this responsibility!
I know many parents are suffering right now since their offspring have headed out to school and are on their own – without their mommy and daddy! They will be fine! They have been looking forward to this moment for longer than you can imagine. Don’t make their leaving home about you!
Many parents make it loud and clear to their departing children that they, the parents, are going to have a hard time with the transition. You can’t put this on your kid. This is your burden to carry. Why would you lay such a massive trip on your kid as they start out on the time of their lives? Say your goodbyes with a smile on your face. They don’t need to see your pain. It will cause inner conflict and guilt they don’t need to carry.
Don’t make their leaving home about you!
We all come here to be who we came here to be. Believe it or not, your child has a plan, and they are paving the path in their childhood. They need the space to continue to forge into adulthood on their own.
Parents, if you make your kids the center of your world, the reason you are breathing, you are doing them a disservice. Just try to love them, keep them safe, feed them, but don’t put that much pressure on them. Your chidren cannot be responsible for your happiness.
Let them go! Figure out how you are going to go on with your life, without them! You owe them this much.
Your children cannot be responsible for your happiness.
If you want more information about learning how to become present, I can offer many books and information. It is the only way to live.