It is impossible to believe I have lived in Mount Shasta for six months as of April 6th. Where did the time go? Oh yeah, home repair.
Moving here was the catalyst I needed to have the rest of the words for my books basically vomit out of my mouth. Here I am with my dead boyfriend. I can feel his presence. He is a character with some really bad – but funny jokes.
When I am told to play music, he sends me songs. If you ever look in my window and see me slow dancing with an imaginary tall guy, it is him.
I was in radio for over 25 years. Hearing the same top songs in the rotation over and over, I stopped listening to music. More than ever, now I realize it is a beautiful way to communicate with those on the other side. Just have conversations and ask for what you need. They are listening. Music is a great place to communicate. That is why I have to write this piece. It is all about getting guidance through songs or lyrics.
The collage is from Alden. Also Alden in the Grand Canyon below.
When I met Alden in Sedona, we didn’t so much as touch hands. But we had to meet in person. It was critical. Just under eight weeks later, he died. The last thing he had to do in his soul-contract before he transitioned was to meet me in person. And we did.
The song that came through a few days after meeting him was Stephen Bishop’s – It Might be You.
These are the exact words that came through: “…if I found the place, would I recognize the face? Something’s telling me it must be you – all of my life…”
With the download of lyrics, I saw Alden and I together in many lifetimes. We have embraced and done this dance for centuries. Not always as lovers. Many different roles. But that song opened up the connection that we both knew was intense.
Although we were going to run away together, Alden was not supposed to be my partner in this lifetime. We had to make the connection so he could connect me to source. The in-person meeting cleaned out the clogged pipes and I was connected fully to divine energy.
My short time with Alden was all I needed to understand what love feels like at the stratospheric level. Alden was a man that had no ego. He was all about love of planet and others. There are no human words to describe how love across the world feels. You can actually feel the other person near you although they are thousands of miles away. It is truly magical.
Through Alden, I learned how love at this level is communicated. There are no filler words or excuses. Everything just “is.” It was beautiful. He was a beautiful soul who showed me how love shows us how to speak to each other.
Then I met Scott in Virginia. He was put before me as he needed me desperately to be there for him as he revisited his father’s murder when he was 12 years old. I became his guiding light and angel for this experience. Then Scott showed me what being fully unlimited feels and looks like. I was in new skin and I hadn’t operated as a human at this level. With Scott, I learned how unlimited we are physically, as well as mentally.
Then Rick showed up. He was the third in the trifecta. Rick came to show me how to live fully like a child. How to explore and thrive with childhood curiosity. How to simply let go and have fun without any preconceived expectations. Rick was so much fun. He just loves to enjoy living.
Fast forward to September 15, 2022. We were in the same town together at the same time. I had to be there that night to meet him. He had to be there to meet me. It was magical. He was the culmination of all three men who were placed before me. We were in the same space, but it was not our time to be together.
I woke up on October 26th to a song chorus repeating in my head, over and over. It played throughout the day. I didn’t like what it said, so I changed the lyrics to my liking. I took the word “bad” and turned it into “good.” As if I had this kind of power. The song was a duet with Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood. The words … “Somethin’ bad about to happen.”
I got the text that was not intended for me on October 27, 2022. That would be the end of the most magical love story not yet written. In October, it will be two years since he had to exit the stage called my life.
We planned on meeting, but we both still had much work to do. I knew I had to be alone or the books I have been working on would cease to flow through me. Being plugged in to anything outside of myself was too distracting. I had to fly completely solo. He had to go away. We were to be, it just wasn’t time.
I knew we weren’t over. We couldn’t be. The power between us was much too intense to not be real and eternal.
I could only see him at night (sometimes) as he was living on and refurbishing a fishing boat. When he entered my space, it was as if two atoms merged. We literally were two in the space, but when we were together there was no separation. We could not keep our hands off of each other.
When I got the text, the switch was flipped. I don’t pine over lost loves. He was not ready for me. He was deeply involved elsewhere. I had books to write. We went our own way. He left town. He is either thousands of miles south, or hundreds of miles north. I have no clue.
Our story wasn’t over. He is a very cryptic man. He speaks very little. What little he says matters. I gravitate to every word.
We don’t talk on the phone. Months ago, he did reach out via email. He mentioned in an email last year that we will be together again in 2024.
Back to music.
We do not communicate. There have been times when I have been instructed to send him something via email. One email said, “I know it feels like you are being pulled through a meat grinder right now. Hang in there.”
And that was all I sent.
As of now, I have one book at the publisher. It was finished earlier this year. The second in the four seasons of this series is written. Three and four are dictated, but not put together. I have the book I wrote in 2017 that is ready to publish.
The series of four describe my magical journey from a normal operating human (NOH) to what I am now. I thought that was it. That was until after the cruise.
Something I never imagined has flooded through me over the last ten days. I wrote another book. THIS is the book I came here to write. The woo-woo stuff in the series is great to help you understand how I got here – and how you can get here. This book is a planet changer. This book is raw, honest, and says stuff y’all are afraid to say. I am not afraid. I speak the truth.
Now that the final chapter in the sixth book is finished, I feel a sense of completion. I feel like what I came here to say has now been said. Now I just need to get it put together and see how it can be published stat.
I am free. I no longer have to be “lady in waiting” mode for my life to kick back into gear. If he is to be on his way to me, I “assume” I will know it soon. But I don’t think it is happening.
I can’t know what is going on in his reality. For all I know he moved to Africa, found a woman he wanted more, dropped dead, I have no way of knowing. I get clues through music. Only music I am to send to him. Never the other way. I hear nothing from his camp. I have absolutely no idea what he is up to.
I have sent him a few songs over the last four months. Just little drops of me to remind him that we are worth whatever he is going through. I have been keenly in tune with him. I could sense his feelings.
I feel like I’ve lost touch. It feels like I am shooting arrows into the air.
Yesterday I sent a song that came through four months ago. I never sent it. Yesterday I was told I had to send it. It was time. The subject line said, “Not sometimes, always.” The song is The Air that I Breathe – The Hollies. It was so true. I don’t need for anything. I have all I want. All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you. That is how simple I am.
Immediately after sending the song, I was told to send him another one. This happened before and I didn’t do as I was told then. I still haven’t done it now. It’s as if I know he will be here when – and if – he is supposed to. I don’t want to fuel a fire. I want it to be organic. Apparently, I am doing what is needed. I forgot the first song I didn’t send; it was a “hey, do you remember I’m up here” kind of message.
The song I am supposed to send now I haven’t heard in decades. It was pretty cut and dry. Perhaps I am writing this now to send the entire post, kit and caboodle to him to see if he is still there.
The song scared me, but it is honest. These are the lyrics.
Did you know I go to sleep and
Leave the lights on
Hoping you’d come by and know
That I was home and still awake
But two years go by and still
My light’s on
This is hard for me to say
But this is all that I can take
It’s the last song I’ll ever write for you
It’s the last time that I’ll tell you
Just how much I really care
This is the last song I’ll ever sing for you
You’ll come looking for the light
And it won’t be there
But I love you
Oh yes I do
Yes I do
All the times that I spent waiting
Wondering where you are
Always knew the time would come
When I would start to wonder why
Now the time is here
I don’t know where you are
So I’ll write you one more song
But it’s the last time that I’ll ever try
It’s the last song I’ll ever write for you
It’s the last time that I’ll tell you
Just how much I really care
This is the last song I’ll ever sing for you
You’ll come looking for the light
And it won’t be there
But I love you
Oh yes I do
It’s the last song I’ll ever write for you
I know if he wants to know where I am, I am easy to find anywhere on social media. He never has to wonder where I am or what I am doing. I don’t know if he looks.
I don’t know what is next for me. I do know life as I know it is about to change. I will go from a very private and peaceful soul to someone who has six books to talk about. Fortunately, I am the driver of this bus and I will never do anything to lessen my energy. Self-care is all I can do.
As far as a future partner for me goes, this is one woman who lives honestly and has complete faith in what is to be. When I met Alden and realized there was not another human on the planet like him, I knew he was it after he died. Then Corey showed up. I was shown that when something else can’t be, the equivalent or better will always arrive. And I completely trust this.
I don’t know how life will be having someone and a new story. I have been silent for such a long time. What I do know is, there are no errors. I am always in surrender mode and the most beautiful path appears with each step I take. Whatever my future may be, I am always the last to know, but the first to go.