DO NOT DISTURB! Crazy lady having pity party inside – please no interruptions.
Sometimes you just need to curl up with your dog on the floor and let the tears flow. She doesn’t have a clue what is going on, all she knows is that life as she knows it – with me as her person – hasn’t been the same since October 16th.
It’s all good; I was pleading with the universe for clarity for a few months up until this point, so when my back started hurting, and suddenly I was disabled, I knew exactly why everything was happening the way it was. I was totally fine with it. Here I was now with a radical life change and no choice but to sit and witness my existence. Well played universe. Smart move on your part. Giving me no choice but to sit and be the watcher and with absolutely nothing else to do, be the learner! Oh, what lessons came quickly to me. But then, this couldn’t be enough! Oh no, the life lessons would just be beginning for me!
I knew very early on, after being sentenced to a recliner, that answers were coming regarding a handful of questions about life that were eating at me. The answers did start to roll in, although they were a bit muddled. I knew what I thought I wanted or needed to do, but isn’t this something that can wait? Does it have to happen now? It was because I questioned this exact clarity that the universe decided I hadn’t quite learned anything yet.
One thing I thought I would be very successful at during my downtime, which was during every one of my waking hours, was writing. Part of me felt this time of disability was a gift, giving me nothing but time on my hands to do that one thing I have to get done. Write, write, write! Unfortunately, I haven’t written one word for my book since I was struck down on October 16th. I have many excuses why the words didn’t flow, the bottom line is, this was no gift and time to write. Now was time to sit, watch, learn and act.
Everyone who knows me knows that I am strong, I don’t have fear, and I have a great attitude. Nothing can knock me down. This back issue… I give it kudos! It certainly has pushed me to my limits. I am a woman who is happy by choice. I am very careful to not allow stress to enter my life. I feel that I live a very zen-like existence… but this back issue!! Oh, it has pushed the envelope!
Almost one month ago and today, I feel the same exact pain that knocked me to the ground in the beginning. I know, and I keep repeating to myself, this too shall pass. In a few months, I will look back on this experience and laugh; mostly because I will be viewing it from the higher perspective attained by the lessons I am learning. While I am in the heart of it right now, pardon me as I throw myself a well-deserved pity party or two. I know the universe works hard to get us on the track we need to be on, believe me Big U, I am all eyes and ears moving forward. You won’t have to shout so loud ever again… I am listening.
Let’s kick this spinal infection to the curb so I can move on with the rest of my life.
The pity party was officially over about five minutes after it started. Feel free to disturb me; I welcome any and all interruptions. Since I rarely, if ever, experience moments where I feel sorry for myself, I couldn’t wait to share this experience with you.
“You won’t have to shout so loud ever again… I am listening.” A good reminder to us all….. ‘lessons’ can be ‘challenging’… even for the strongest amongst us. I have to practice… ‘let go of the tiller and watch the unfoldment’… sooooo often! Thanks for sharing, Cari. Looking forward to seeing you at ATIS : )