I don’t want food. I genuinely don’t. Food is something we grow up seeing as a significant part of life. It is everything. It is cultural. It is conversational. It is art. It pulls families together. It is tradition. It is creation at its finest.

On the flip side, what you believe to be healthy enough or good enough for you has sent you over the top. Especially the judgment associated with it. You are convinced that what you eat is “the right thing.” Then you look at my plate with disgust and wonderment. “How can I be so clueless?” you wonder. Clearly, you are the correct human, and I’m just stupid.

According to the lane you operate from, you look at others who disagree with your well-researched and correct assumption that your way is right. Because you “know,” you look down upon others. Why is your food the right food? If it is, so be it. It is right for you. Leave my choice alone. You don’t drive this bus. I do.

Food has created many beliefs and disbeliefs. When the latest craze hits the shelves, you toss out your old books, clean out your cupboards, and follow the new trend. Until the next trend that promises even better health, a stronger body, and you can eat sugar again. You change like the wind because someone, somewhere, had amazing results.

Coming from a formerly fat girl for most of my life, this would exhaust me. Now, I just eat what I want, anytime I want to.

Being alone, I realize we don’t need food like we think. I don’t even know if I need any. I have yet to go that far because I like the idea of eating. I enjoy the art of cooking. I create in the kitchen if I am not painting.

I don’t do anything extreme. I just do. Yesterday, I made chicken piccata for the first time in probably three years. One of my favorite dishes ever. It was delectable. Even for me, it was a little too lemony. Anyone who knows me knows those words never come out of my mouth. That’s like saying there’s too much garlic. Please tell me that’s not going to happen.

I ate a third of what I made. I can barely eat anything. My appetite is nil. It tasted delicious. And now, in the refrigerator are the leftovers. I was excited to know I had it for two more sessions, thinking it would be the following two meals.

I don’t want it. I will freeze it. The same goes for the wonton tacos I got a few weeks ago in Yreka. They were delectable. I don’t want them again. They are in my freezer – thank God for my Foodsaver.

So I open my fridge, and I see what my options are. I have all the ingredients for a salad I love. The rest is all comfort food. I want to have things before my eyes that are things I might lean toward grabbing.

Another shock to my system is that I don’t desire Mexican food as I have my entire life. On my last trip to the coast, I went to Fresh Mexican, as they have the best salsa on the coast. I got dinner and chips and salsa to go for the last time.

I didn’t want it. I ended up finishing it two days ago. I couldn’t get myself to eat it. I am not the same person that lived in Newport just last month.

Mexican food was my go-to. It was the thing that sustained me.

Like the Stellars Jay and squirrels, it’s back to peanuts. I do like peanuts. And now the unsalted, I like even better.

So we believe we need food. We label it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We have the things we eat between meals to satisfy us until the next meal; we call them snacks.

We count calories. We eliminate or limit sugar. We eliminate carbs. We work out extra hard. We pay so much attention to what we think and what goes in our mouths that it drives us crazy. Food and diet is always something we think about. We can’t get away from it.

When we eat something that seems indulgent, we feel guilt. We don’t want to spend too much money on something or have too many calories. We think way too much.

The constant belief that ‘if you eat this, it will cause that.’ You’ve seen it on television forever. Your parents gave you their lifetime version of what is right and wrong.

We have slipped so far away from creating our own reality. We are so deep in the pool with people who have crazy ideas about what is the right path. How can anyone know what the right path is – for you? Seriously?

All of the things humans have come to believe to be true fascinates me. We create our reality. When I left my old reality and went silent for a year and a half in Newport, I only ate when I was hungry and only what I wanted.

Since I have lived it for over a year and a half, I know we need very little to sustain ourselves. It is the belief that we need so much that creates the chaos that we believe to be our reality. We don’t need to be overweight. We listen to the consensus. We believe food is everything, and we allow that to be. We call it comfort. 

My weight fluctuates now from 110 to 115. I am moving my body all day. I have no idea how many steps I take. Frankly, I don’t care. I love being outside as much as I can. At the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I sleep like a rock, but only about four hours. My body does what it is meant to do. I have no one around me, no one in my space to try to tell me if I am doing “it” right or wrong. My body is telling me. It knows itself better than you ever could.

What has happened to me over the last seven years will be so beyond your brain function to comprehend that you’ll read the book multiple times to grasp everything. And then you still won’t be able to wrap your brain around it. Simply, my life wasn’t working the way I’d been living. I stepped away from the collective. I didn’t listen to anyone else. I stopped listening to anyone about anything. I stopped using thought. My brain is not active until I activate it.

I just followed my arrow, and it brought me here. My books will explain the step-by-step process I went through to bring me to this bliss and the magic that I now live with – I experience miracles every day.

We don’t need the sleep we think we need. We don’t need the food we think we need. We don’t need anything we think we need. We believe it because somebody said it, so we believe it to be true.

I stopped listening to everyone else because how can someone else know what is best for me? I really hope you will ponder this question. We give our power away to people who say they are experts. How can they be an expert on what is best for you? Only you create your reality.

This professional tells you to do this and not do that, while his professional tells him the opposite. The man behind the podium has so much knowledge about his topic. I need to follow him and do what he says.

At what point do you stop listening to some other person – just like you… a spirit in a human body. How can they know more than you? You sit quietly, pondering what they are talking about. You aren’t sure about this subject, so you hand them your power. You will hitch your star to their wagon and walk with them because they are loud. A lot of people are listening. They must know something you don’t. This must mean something. Right?

You are alone in your body, questioning everything. They are also alone in their body with the same fears and wonder, but they are being outwardly loud for whatever reason. How can they know more than you? Think about it. Why is this guy being really loud about his version of an answer? This does not make him right. It makes him a distraction.

We doubt we can know anything, so we look for someone, anyone, to drag us through the mud. They can’t know any more than you do. They are just being loud about their version of what they don’t know. Don’t give them the keys to your life. You take them back. Don’t trust them. Trust you.

Every time you say yes to something that is not 100% authentically who you are, you give a shard of yourself away. Parts of you are sprinkled worldwide because of times you said yes when you wanted to say no. Giving these parts away does not have to be forever. You can claim these shards of yourself and get them back, but you must stop letting everyone else tell you how your world is supposed to operate.

Take your power back. How can any other human possibly know what path you came onto this rock to take? They can’t know. They aren’t taking the time to find what they are here to be; how can they possibly know your secret desires?

People are so wrapped up in everyone else’s lives that they can’t separate your life from theirs. They prefer to drive your bus. It is so much easier than dealing with their own demons.

You need to be whole once again. You need to find those parts of who you are and pull them back together again. You must stop deferring to anyone else because you already have all the answers.

If you have an ailment, stop googling it. Do not seek medical help. Shut down your mind to discover what is happening inside your body. Fix it internally because you can.

I have proven it time and time again over the years. You have the power in your ruby slippers to heal anything in your body. Stop giving it away.

You must start by shutting down your mind, putting your phone away, and getting out to nature. Go outside and go for a walk with no thoughts in your mind. When a thought tries to come in, gently push it away. Never fear, it will show up later.

Pay attention to nature. Look at every detail. In doing that, it will keep the thoughts away. The more you see nature, the more you will see nature.

When you silence your mind, no thought is present. When quiet, and something appears, you immediately know it did not come from you. It is always something you would not have come up with. If you pay attention to that nugget, it will take you to your next step. Once you follow that one little random guidance that came through, the next nugget will appear. One step, one little nugget at a time. It will never make sense. That is the best part.

Most of us don’t take that step merely for this reason. If it made sense, why wouldn’t everyone be here? When I was told, “Tell your husband you want to go backpacking,” I did. We were apart for months, and I hated backpacking. When I told him about the guidance, he was thrilled. I told him I would compromise with multiple-day hikes instead.

It was this guidance in May that got us back together days before the lockdown in Washington in early March the next year.

In October of 2019, I was told, “Go to Michael’s and stock up on acrylic paint and canvas.” So I did. I never ask why.

I played with paint for the entire pandemic. After it was over, all of my art ended up in the Laughing Crab Gallery in Florence, Oregon.

If I didn’t have the big house with the amazing back yard, the kid, the four animals, and the art during the pandemic, I would have had a completely different experience. I listen. I get my nuggets.

When you start listening and collecting the nuggets, you always feel good. Your needle is in the groove. All chakras are spinning and on fire. You love how it feels.

Moving along, feeling good, when something happens to knock you out of your lane, you don’t like how it feels to not be in the groove. It becomes crucial to get that feeling back. You will start to understand it is your energy you are dealing with; your energy becomes your only currency. When we give it away, it drains us. We have to keep our needle in our groove at all times. That is how we find our way home.

This was the gateway drug for me.

Get out to nature. #STFU. Allow no thought. See the beauty around you. Have no thought. When something does show up, it will not be a thought. It will be your higher self telling you your next step. Listen, follow, and allow your magical story to unfold.

When you head to the trees, for the little lovers of all things unsalted in the shell, please don’t forget the peanuts.