leftovers from Olive Garden

Staying the night in Medford, I was stoked to enjoy Olive Garden. I got my usual – salad, bread, and a side chicken breast. I was stuffed. I couldn’t eat another bite. I took a picture because I was shocked. I’ve been able to consume so much more. I stop when full.

We don’t require much food. Hardly anything at all. But we do need something.

We have been trained as human beings that we must consume mass quantities. We believe we require “this many” calories. We believe we require three squares a day. We believe what the food pyramid of the day tells us – until they change their minds. We are full of beliefs because it is what we’ve been told. Well, it is wrong. Completely.

What you say you believe and what you do are not the same thing. You swear you are doing _______ yet you are gaining weight. What we think – is private. What we put in our mouth – is private. What we show on the outside speaks the truth about us. We cannot hide from who we are. I know I am not the only human who joined Weight-watchers and gained twenty pounds. When we feel deprived…

You change your diets because some guy in Tucson eliminated ________ from his diet, and look at his body! He added ________ to his food, even though it tastes like dirty socks. But if you do this, and you do _________ at the same time, ____________ will happen! (If you believe it!)

There are now more shelves in the store based on what the fad of the season is than ever. You buy into it thinking it is your answer. As long as you believe what you are told, you are going to struggle with your weight forever. You keep buying into the latest trend for the day because it worked for Susie. Then it takes over the store shelves. When you realize you keep spinning and getting the same result, you will realize the diet is not the problem. It is you and your beliefs that keep you stuck. I will share my food struggle and fat body story one day soon. I was fat my entire life.

I have not been human for a while now. When you’re not a full human, you do not require what humans believe they need. But we have habits. We are habitual creatures. I still do the same things, looking for a different result, because I enjoyed the concept. What do I mean?

I go to my refrigerator often, opening it in hopes that there is something that I will want. Knowing full well nothing will jump out at me. Then I open the freezer knowing the same thing will happen. We are not hungry. We don’t need food. We are trained to want food. I could survive off of peanuts. But I know there’s good food out there. So, when I actually think I want something, I look for something yummy, but even the yummiest of things that I would devour another day, I have no interest in whatsoever.

I’ve walked through the grocery stores in the area in hopes of seeing something that will want to land in my cart. I don’t even use a cart. I can go through an entire store and walk out with absolutely nothing. Even if I think I am hungry.

So, I still open my refrigerator and freezer sometimes after I’ve been up for about six hours. The habit for decades that, “I must be hungry” slips in. I love good food. But if you don’t want it, and you listen to your needs, you won’t even consider putting something through your lips.

For instance. Saturday, I got up early and set up a huge booth with lots of stuff. It was hot. I was drinking a lot of water. By the time my friend showed up, I realized I was shaking. At this time, because I used a lot of energy and it was hot, I needed something to eat. He got me a sandwich. It was all I needed until late that night. We know when we “need” food. We just think we need it. We want it. We use it as a friend. It is not our friend. Friends wouldn’t make us slow and not feel good. We never need the combo meal or to super-size anything. It just sounds so good.

When the time comes, I am very clear what I will eat. Often, I am sent to a restaurant because cooking is now a waste of time. By the time I am done making a meal I would once devour, I can’t get myself to eat it. I have to freeze it all in food saver bags. Going to a restaurant I get something that screams – YOU WANT ME! I always freeze the leftovers as I know they won’t sound good tomorrow.

Moments ago, I saw the tub of the best salsa Casa Ramos ever made in my refrigerator from yesterday. That used to be my go-to. My first meal would always wrap around salsa if it was in the house. Scrambled egg burrito, chips and salsa, enchilada; whatever sounded good. Now… nothing. I can’t eat a bit. I know I will eat it before it goes bad. It is just no longer my go-to. I am being weaned of the desire for food.

All of my life, we hear about breakfast, lunch and dinner. If you are on a small island near another country, I guarantee that isn’t their normal.

Think about what you are told. Think about what your actions are based on what you have been told. We don’t need any of the things we think we need.

I stepped away from people. I realized I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was. I realized I wasn’t anything that I thought I was. I started listening to something so much bigger than me. I got quiet. I walked away from everything and everyone. I realized we have been stuffed with a lifetime of beliefs and expectations. They do not belong to us, yet we have agreed to put them in our suitcase.

If you don’t live something, how can you believe it.

We are not who we think we are.